Treating Your Passport to First Class Comfort
Shielding Your Passport From the Wears and Tears of Travel
Confidentiality Note & Disclaimer: This former top secret file of the Travel Superlight Agency is now unclassified. However, the Agency takes no responsibility for any harm that results from the release of this information and denies that the work of Agent J, or that of any other field agent it employs in its mission to perfect the art of ultralight minimalist traveling, will actually help anyone at all.
Hi K. Reporting in on Agent P’s new RFID blocking passport sleeve. Looks like he finally did it. Remember a few Fridays ago when P called me down to the TSA Design Lab to check out the new revised prototype with less than an hour before I had to leave? Hey P, how about a little more notice next time?! That was quite the scramble. We all know it’s no easy feat to get down and back from the Design Lab with time to spare.
Listen to how it played out, K. First, I had to find that nondescript doorway that’s down near the end of the 06. You know, the one that looks just like a hundred other portals? I almost walked right by it. That camouflage worked all too well. Naturally, once I found the right door, I made myself look busy while I patiently waited for traffic to clear so I could discretely duck out. Good lord, K. That wasn’t easy. Carts, bicycles, agents on foot zipping up and down the 06. Precious minutes wasted!
Once I made my way out, I hurried down the ramps to the primaries. Thankfully, Retinal, Facial, and Fingers biometrics all went smoothly this time. But then came the dreaded secondaries. Agent W had to personally escort me through with his override codes just to speed things up. As to exactly why lockdown wasn’t trigged with all that hubbub, I have no idea.
As if the slowdown at each checkpoint wasn’t enough, why on earth is the Design Lab such a long hike down from Admin? All those walkways, ramps, portals, and stairways. Holy moly. No wonder there are so many handrails and random places to sit. Good thing I skipped out on my morning walk that day. Who knew that so much work could be done just off 06 Bay?
So what exactly was all the fuss about? Why on earth was I being asked to pay Agent P such an urgent visit? Much to my dismay, I found out that P had me hustle all the way down there, through every newfangled state-of-the-art security scanner known to mankind, for the sole purpose of picking up his brand new, super low-tech, dimwitted passport RFID blocker sleeve just so that I could take it out for a test run. Good lord. Not sure it was worth all that extra stress and anxiety.
Nevertheless, here’s the report. Thankfully, Agent W coached me back into a better head space on the way back up to Admin. I think I can now submit this in good conscience.
*****
Tracking
MISSION: J35753-2025C
DCN: 7390023
TDY: SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA
DATE: 2025-05-17
TIME: 7:56 AM KST
TO: ALL FIELD AGENTS
FROM: AGENT J
CC: AGENTS R,W,P,K
SUBJECT: PROTOTYPE REPORT 156 - RFID BLOCKING SLEEVEEquipment
NAME: RFID BLOCKING SLEEVE
NO: MUL-SLV-0014
STYLE: PROTECTIVE POUCH, RFID SHIELDED, SINGLE POCKET
SIZE: STANDARD PASSPORT FIT
COLOR: MATTE BLACKBackground
It’s surprising how much wear and tear passports receive as they wearily trudge along world borders looking ahead in the longing hopes of landing on “GO.”
Things can get ugly out there as a passport’s exchanged between scores of grubby little fingers, riffled through by impatient immigration agents, smashed and smooshed onto dirty optical scanners, slid through the tight narrows of beat-up bar code readers, flattened onto old smudgy copy machines, and last but not least, thumbed through by forgetful Travel Superlight Agents looking for random bits of trivia that’ve somehow been deemed critical info for entering into foreign states. This is on top of all the bumps and dings passports receive back at Headquarters as they’re processed, sorted, conveyed, and stored, only to be retrieved a short time later and pulled back through the whole process again.
Considering the life span of a typical passport can be as long as ten years and that the renewal process for obtaining a shiny new one can test even the most patient agents out there, it only makes sense that operatives adopt best practices to extend the lives of their passports with the latest and greatest advancements in protective equipment.
Observations
In its infancy, the Travel Superlight Agency didn’t require its field agents to store passports in protective cases or coverings. Consequently, at mission debriefs during those early years, it was not uncommon to hear horror stories that would steal the room. Wild accounts ranged from rangy hotel night clerks that mistook passport booklets for passport cards, grumpy immigration agents who carelessly handed back documents by stuffing them through tiny window portals, and even (brace yourselves) ghastly encounters with sloppy cheeseburgers. I’d share some pictures but I’m afraid that you wouldn’t be able to forgive me. Once witnessed, you can’t “unsee” these horrible events.
For most field agents back in the day, once 8 or 9 years had rolled around, their scrappy passport booklets looked quite unstately and smelled awkwardly of wayward wildebeests. Being well overdue for replacement, ten years often couldn’t come fast enough. Even the most hardened field agents found it truly embarrassing to present their passports. Upon digging them out to present to authorities, anxieties would rise and blood pressures would spike as they tried to melt away into the background.
With loose threads poking out at the edges, worn leather covers that had seen better days, and bar codes that could easily be mistaken for dirty smudges, these tatty docs and the agents that owned them were shunted off to the slow lanes for further inspection and the dreaded manual key-in. Back at Headquarters, TSA staff could often be heard begging and pleading with their supervisors for more forgiving domestic assignments until their renewals came due.
The ultimate fate of these aging passports is a sorry tale that’s far too powerful to tell without stirring up these long-suppressed memories. Skipping over all the tough stuff, suffice it to say that these old documents were never to be seen again.
It’s quite cringy to think about all the damage that’s been done over the years on account of such disgraceful passports. Inevitable questions like “could things have turned out differently?” and “what would’ve happened?” or even “is this what it’s all come to?” were often heard by agents heading up the hallways in distress upon retrieving raggedy documents from the Vault. Thankfully, the TSA listened and is now able to offer field agents a palatable solution.
Opinions
Through many years of inventive experimentation involving countless numbers of field agents testing a seemingly endless string of rickety prototype renditions, the Agency has never been closer to meeting its end goal of solving this horrible problem once and for all as it leverages new technology in product development. The TSA has fabricated and is now testing an exciting new innovative product that could be a game changer for passports worldwide.
A series of critical breakthroughs back at the Think Tank led to a watershed discovery that the best way to prolong the life of one’s passport is to store it in something that actually protects it. Engineers spent many days and nights working long hours without break to develop a new cutting edge product that can best meet this tall challenge: an envelope.
To add to all the buzz and excitement of this groundbreaking discovery, scientists were able to prove out through a series of complex and rigorous lab tests that the weight of an envelope is essentially negligible, weighing in at a mere 0.22 ounces.
I’m honored to have been selected to announce some of the advanced features of this bold new TSA prototype. First, the envelopes are now viable. Prior iterations suffered from a lack of openings which made them cumbersome to use. Others contained flap glues that were later proven to be fatally toxic. This new streamlined model features a wide slot that permits one to safely slide a full size passport in and out of the sleeve without damage even under the most trying of circumstances.
Next, the envelope is offered only in a sleek slim-fit style, much improved over its more cavernous predecessors. This last change was made as a result of countless field tests which conclusively proved that “smaller is better” when it comes to lugging your belongings through immigration.
Last but not least, by harnessing groundbreaking technology that’s barely decades old, the Agency now constructs its passport protectors out of RFID blocking materials. This daring new approach keeps sensitive information contained on one’s passport out of the hands of opportunistic digital thieves that may be lurking around poorly lit corners of airport security lines with big scary chip readers hiding under overcoats that have not yet been doffed for the x-ray machines and body scanners up ahead despite all the repeated reminders and announcements.
Recommendations
With the number of past prototypes too many to count, I can now proudly proclaim that the Agency has developed a winning passport protector design. The latest so-called “Alpine Rivers” iteration performs so well that I can now recommend it be used by all agents without further modification. To celebrate this important success, I suggest the team reconvene back at HQ to not only eat donuts but also to see if this revolutionary RFID-blocking envelope technology can be extended to protect other critical field equipment such as credit cards, drivers licenses, and other impending chip-embedded gadgetry that Agent P might have up his sleeve.
My only critique relates to the envelope’s banal appearance. It looks just like an envelope. I understand Agent P’s argument that, because a passport should normally be stashed away somewhere safe and secure and out of the line of sight of shifty eyeballs, it’s wholly unimportant as to the exact color, pattern, and style of its protective sleeve. Nonetheless, there may be some room for improvement.
Although P’s decision to use a very dull but professional looking envelope that’s black in color, matte in texture, and comes adorned with only one tiny little graphic design in the bottom corner would appeal to some agents, there are plenty of other agents among us whose reaction to product launch will likely be “oh this is so exciting!!! Can I be the one to open the envelope!…wait what?…there’s nothing inside?…this is it?…yawn…can I go home now?” For this particular population, for those who prefer sportier and flashier choices when it comes to picking out their accessories, my suggestion would be that the Agency develop a new lineup of protective sleeves with a series of bolder colors and patterns. After all, harmonic frequencies are not something to be tampered with.
In closing, I believe the Agency is well positioned to require operatives to use this latest model for all missions abroad. Without such measures, I’d be afraid that even the most doting of field agents would eventually tire of the tender loving care they’d extend to their passports as they started to show some age. This exiting new product is bound to stave off such foreseeable tragedies and may even encourage the most nostalgic agents out there to keep their old passports as treasured keepsakes.
Index Scores
MASS: 9 - WHERE'S THE BEEF?!
VOLUME: 8 - GOOD THINGS COME IN SMALL PACKAGES
UTILITY: 8 - PRETTY SLICK, HUH?
EFFICIENCY: 7 - YEAH, THAT'LL WORK
OVERALL: 8 - NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN ABOUT*****
“Dangnabbit! Now that there’s sumptin’ I’s gotsta git my hands on!” rasps the scraggly old rambling gold miner spraying food flecks through a missing front tooth as he listens to his more literate but scratchier sidekick reading beneath the sickly yellow haze of an old buggy lantern while he scrapes out the last remaining bits and scraps from the bottom of a days-old rotting kipper snacks tin found in the duff out behind his ratty canvas tent, now more brown than tan, tucked just a short shuffle away from the raging river that once promised so much but now provides so little…
I can hear your heavy sigh from here, K…Please polish up for professionalism and return. Could you please shoot me a text on WhatsApp when you’re done? I’ll take it from there. Should be great cell service and WIFI coverage pretty much everywhere.
P.S. With all those precious minutes wasted down in the Design Lab, I’m so thankful that airport security was such a breeze this time and that my flight was delayed by as much as it was. That airplane door just about hit me in the butt…
See you on the other side.
J
