Prototype Report 137 - Ear Plugs
Checking in with Agent K at Headquarters
MISSION: J35752-2025B
TDY: SAIGON, VIETNAM
DCN: 7389735
DATE: 2025-02-23
ROUTING: SGN_TRK
TO: AGENT P
FROM: AGENT J
CC: AGENT R, AGENT K
EQUIP ID: MUL-1024-D
EQUIP NAME: EAR PLUGS, MODIFIED###
Hi K. You win. I lose. It’s super hot and humid over here just like you said it’d be. And, yes, you were also right about the fleece. No need to wear it on the flights. The doubled up shirts were enough. Damn you, K. How far ahead are you now? I’ll catch up someday. Just you wait. You can stop smirking now…
But I’d like to add a little footnote to your win on this one. There’ve been a couple of times when the AC was freezing me out and the fleece was nice to have. No, scratch that. It was essential to have. You hear that, K? Essential! With a capital “E.” So I’d like to claim back at least one of those wisdom chips from you. I’ll collect it when I get back to Headquarters.
Okay, now back to business since I know you can be so unflappably rigid and serious sometimes…
Here’s my report on Agent P’s most recent update to his earplug design. Could you please take this draft and fill in the blanks (you’re so good at filling airspace, K, what can I say)? When everything looks good to go, please distribute per the block above. BTW, Agent R said that he wanted to stay in the loop on these reports too. But it’s all in the block, and I know you can read…I think (sorry, just gotta dish it back every opportunity I get).
Well, what can I say about his earplugs? Off record, you can tell Agent P that it’s definitely an improvement over his earlier versions. Please convey a special thanks for ditching the self destruct feature. I’m not sure that dissolving earplugs are really necessary for most missions. If you remember, the auto-dissolve wasn’t super helpful when I was fumbling around for them that one night and they instantly exploded into super fine orange dust. Go back to bed? Yeah, right. Nothing like pyrotechnics to lull me back to sleep.
Anyway, all is well here. Moving onto the next field station in a few days. In case this report gets into the wrong hands, and to avoid compromising the rest of the mission, let’s just say that I bet you can guess where I’m going next. And yes, K, I plan to notch one in the win column. I’ll file another report as soon as I can. A rare chance to gloat back! I know you’d love that.
Without further ado, here’s my report, filled out in the new format that Agent P seems to like so much.
Oh yeah, one last thing. If you would be so kind, please “remember” to delete this preface, and my smart-ass comments below, before you “accidentally” print the report and “mistakenly” walk it down to Agents R and P. I know that you sometimes forget to do that. Whoops! You know how that makes my life more difficult when I return to Headquarters :| Getting in trouble with Agent V isn’t the kind of welcome home I look forward to, but I’m beginning to think you like to see me squirm…
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PROTYPE REPORT
PR No: 2025-137
Equipment Name: Ear Plugs
Equipment No: MUL-1024-D
Size: Standard, OSFA
Material: EPDM foam
Color: Orange
Style: Modified bullet design, tapered edge, non-dissolving
Number: 2
Work Order Tie: (K - could you please look up the number and fill it in for me? It’s still really hard for us field agents to access files remotely. Looking forward to Agent L’s new portal upgrades...)
Purpose:
*Primary: Noise reduction
*Secondary: Motion sickness abatement
*Tertiary: Ignoring people (people like you K)… ;)
Use(s): Airplanes, trains, buses, boats, concerts, hostel dorms, capsule hotels, private bedrooms, ignore boxes
Index Scores:
*Mass: 1 (negligible)
*Volume: 2 (nearly negligible)
*Utility: 9 (almost perfect)
*Efficiency: 10 (perfect)
*Weighted Ranking: 8.6 (K - have we ever had one this high? Could be a record…)
*Comment: Ear plugs weigh almost nothing. Hardly register on the gram scale. They’re super small too, taking up almost no space.
Opinions, Modal:
*Transit: Take up hardly any room in pack and easily fit in pocket for day use. Often don’t even know they’re there. (K- any way you can figure out how to indent paragraph body text to match heading level? Not sure I can do it from here…typ throughout report)
*Sleeping: Probably their best use, especially in dorms and capsules to block out loud snorers, bumps in the night, and any other pesky annoyances (like who? Oh K!…OK. Okay. I’ll stop. But kinda amusing what I can do with your “name”).
*Concerts: The new pair works much better than the old at blocking out all those bone rattling bass frequencies (just wondering, Agent P, do you think there’d be a way to allow lower amplitude spoken frequencies to pass thru while blocking out higher amplitude concert noise at the same time? It’s really hard to discuss sensitive matters at shows. Maybe the next prototype?)
*Motion Sickness: Surprisingly, this is working great! Placing a single earplug in my non-dominant ear is so much better than taking Dramamine for abating motion sickness. Many thanks to Agent M from satellite headquarters who had an ear out for this ;) It’s made a huge difference. Please spread the word to other agents. As you know, us minimalist ultralight travelers utterly adore anything multipurpose.
Opinions, Quality:
*Durability: These new orange ones are holding up much better than those old stiff yellow ones. I can wear them several nights in a row before they start showing wear and tear. (K - No, don’t say yuck. Trust me, that’s nothing compared to what I see out on the streets on a daily basis).
*Comfort: Leaps and bounds better than the older models. I can wear these ones all night long without a problem. I used them at a four day music festival last fall without complaint (save for comment above).
*Material: I love how these ones aren’t waxy like those first gray ones. No oily films left on fingers. Yay!
*Form: They look slick. I like the pre-shaped bullet design. (K - next time, you think I can just put N/A for equipment like this??? Would P care? This entry seems better suited for reporting on more complex gadgets in Agent P’s vault. Seems a bit overkill for reporting on a simple pair of earplugs.)
*Color: The bright neon orange is helpful when trying to find them in the middle of the night or in low light conditions. Maybe keep for future prototypes, but see below for more feedback on color.
Opinion, Overall: You’re super close to perfecting them, P. As you recall, I made great use of your prior prototype on my trip to Tokyo last spring sleeping in all those “space capsules” for three weeks straight. For that particular mission, if you remember, you disabled the dissolve button at the last minute. Smart move. Orange dust all over those pristine white plastic capsules would’ve made quite the mess and would’ve been a costly mistake. I’m sure that would have broken several dozen etiquette rules all at once…Haven’t missed the self destruct feature on this current mission. Good riddance as far as I’m concerned (K - for the record they’re just called “capsule hotels” over there…P - since I love to see you squirm, I’ve saved a picture of all the ear wax I collected from that Tokyo trip. Nothing better than an ear plug to harvest all that good stuff! Gotta show it to you when I get back. I’ll try to time it for when you’re on your way to the break room. You can thank me later for whetting your appetite for your mid morning snack).
Cost: _______ (K? I remember it being really insignificant, like fractions of a cent on bulk order? Could you please look up and insert?)
Recommendations: I think you nailed it, P. But if you’re looking for feedback for future improvements, how about giving us field agents a variety of colors to choose from? I’m sure that neon orange was Agent R’s pick, but in case we need to blend into the crowd a bit better for more covert missions, maybe something a little more natural, less garish? Orange doesn’t always work well in camouflage…
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K- Okay, I think that’s it. Please edit for appropriateness/professionalism and let me know if you need anything else. I’ll be out of WIFI and cell coverage for bits and pieces of today’s operation, but I’ll check for messages when I’m back in service.
P.S. Thank you so much for the recommendation on that corner cafe. That balcony is awesome! Great people watching spot, and so mesmerizing to see all those scooters, cars, trucks, and pedestrians(!) weaving seamlessly in and out. Who needs traffic controls?!? I took a time lapse video that I’ve been sharing. Let me know if you want a copy…And, yes, they still have your favorite drink (and now one of mine too). BTW, I met your friend Ly there. She says hi back and passes along her well wishes.
P.P.S. Hmmmm…This ones a little awkward…I saw a big box of earplugs at the night market yesterday that look just like the pair that Agent P has been developing all these years. Yeah, just like the ones I’ve packed for this assignment. I tried a pair and they feel and function almost exactly the same. I’m not sure how to tell P that he might have wasted all that time back at the shop reinventing the wheel. But I guess I’ve got some time to think about how best to broach the subject…
Here are the ones I saw and tried. Look familiar?!? Yeah, I know. And I think they might even be cheaper than Agent P’s. Yikes…
I’ll see you in a couple months after wrapping things up over here. Off to use P’s other brand new MUL gadget. Yeah, you know the one. His proud new baby. Should I be excited or scared?!? Signing out for now,
J
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