Lining It Up Against the Wall
Top Tip for Packing Quickly for the Ultralight Minimalist Traveler
Okay, K. Yes, I agree. That blind corner’s horrible. Hope I didn’t stain your flats. I can’t believe how quickly you move on your feet, and I mean that in more ways than one. While the rest of us might’ve had just enough time to conjure up a dry and bland “Slow it down, Agent J,” for agents like you, a half a second is an eternity for coming up with some new whiz bang vocabulary for immediate deployment. I’ll be sure to check in with the folks over at Urban Dictionary as soon as we land to see if they’ve already registered “flitting flamboozled flustercuck” in their logs.
I guess what I’m finally getting around to saying is “I’m sorry.” If I’m lucky, maybe that’ll help shave off a few months from the grieving period. You think? Yeah, I know. But it didn’t hurt to ask.
Anyway, since I obviously had no time to finish telling you that story about Agent M back at Headquarters, I thought I’d take the time on this long flight to jot it all down for you. I at least owe you that. And ten hours was perfect to get all the details right. Not sure how I’ll ultimately end up using this material, but I thought I’d go the extra mile in conveying the story I owed you to partially pay down my debt. Huh? What’s that? Yes, absolutely. I can also help with that Zappos charge if the OxiClean doesn’t work out.
As you’re reading this, and before you can sink more barbs in, yes I know what you’re going to say. Clearly the story needs some work if I want to submit it as formal Tech Memo. I’ve written it with the idea that I’d ultimately submit it to other field agents down the road, so please don’t put any work into it just yet. I’ll do all the major lifting when the time comes…
Ironically, it’s the very thing I learned from Agent M on our joint mission to Japan that led me to be in such a hurry getting out the door yesterday. You know how it used to take me weeks to get ready for a mission? I can now pack up with less than a day’s notice should the need arise. Less time mobilizing means more time for fun! You know, for things like sprinting down the hallways at Headquarters just a few minutes before I’ve gotta leave…yikes. Eye roll. OK. I get it. I’ll slow down.
In the meantime, here she is. Got your matcha in hand?
###
Tracking
MISSION: J35517-2024B (G26292-2024A)
DCN: 7251927
TDY: LISBON, PORTUGAL
DATE: 2024-03-16
TIME: 12:17 PM (GMT+1)
TO: AGENT K
FROM: AGENT J
CC: AGENTS G,M
SUBJECT: POSTCARD 259 - LINING IT UP AGAINST THE WALLMessage
Agent M had done all the research. First train leaving Nikko was scheduled to depart at a brutal six o’clock sharp, just before the crack of dawn at that time of year. Adding in a longer than ideal layover for transferring to a bullet train, we’d end up with only a few spare hours back in Tokyo. That’d leave us just enough time to scramble around to all the necessary waypoints to properly close out the mission before wrapping it up and heading out to Haneda to catch our flight back to Headquarters.
With a long walk out ahead of us to the regional train station, we figured we should leave the field office around 5 a.m., no later. We were both early risers, but while backing up the clock into the 4 o’clock hour sounded semi-palatable back at dinner time, seeing that the clock had just chimed ten, our cards were still on the table, and we’d barely put a dent in our last round of Asahis, we knew that no matter how we cut it that it’d be a super short night. Good thing we had a long flight ahead of us to sleep it all off.
While Agent M was studying his hand, I was too busy thinking about when to set the alarm on my phone. Thirty minutes would be about right if I skipped some of the less than essential morning routines. Wrapping up our marathon three hour game, I grumbled something to M about setting my alarm for 4:30 a.m. and that it felt like I was getting up to go snowblow back home before heading into work. Agent M looked at me incredulously and asked with a small grin “why so early? I’m setting mine for 4:50.”
What?! Only 10 minutes before needing to leave? Yes, I knew M was a fully commissioned minimalist ultralight field agent, but just how was it possible that he could shave that much time off his morning routine? But then I realized that I was traveling with an agent who routinely got up at an even earlier 3 o’clock hour back home to head into Headquarters. With that kind of schedule, naturally he’d be an expert at rolling out of bed, falling into shoes laying by his side, slipping into his clothes on the way to the bathroom, and donning his pack as he washed up. Was Agent M moonlighting with Wallace and Gromit?
But that was at home. What about packing up all his scattershot stuff over here in the field? What were his secrets? Yes, I knew well that field agents were always on the learning curve, but there I found myself across the table from M sitting stunned under a spell of curiosity and skepticism. Just how was he able to mobilize so quickly? Could there perhaps be a better, easier, and faster way to get out the door? Heading back to the field office as the night wore thin, he asked if I wanted to see how he did it.
I can’t say I was too surprised with what I saw. After all, Agent M has always loved self-induced challenges. For example, both at home and at work, he would take it upon himself to see if he could pack things up even smaller than how he originally found them. No matter whether something came in an impossibly small container that the rest of us would have no hope of ever stuffing something back into after it was first opened, M would seemingly always find a way to package it up even smaller.
M also liked to push the limits way beyond where most other typical agents stop. For one particular training mission deep in the Pacific, Agent M took less than 3 pounds of stuff for a weeklong field assignment. King of optimization? Perhaps.
As his next door neighbor at the Nikko field station, Agent M’s digs were really just a mirror image of mine. However, nobody would’ve ever have mistaken my room for his on inspection. My place was littered with stuff strewn haphazardly all over the place. You see, when Agent J travels, entropy quickly gets to work after arrival. Items fly out of his bag and land in various random corners of the room. Try as he may to keep things organized in little piles and clusters, after a couple of days, his room ends up looking like a modern art project with little amorphous blobs covering up most of the available space.
In bleak contrast, M’s room was a study in Zen. Everything was neat, organized, and simple. The room was shockingly sparse. It almost had a museum-like quality. Did I need a ticket to enter?
Glancing around, I couldn’t see his stuff. Had he tossed it all out the window and finally accomplished what most field agents only dream about? Ditching everything except the credit cards and passports? Ah ha! So was that it? Was that why it only took him 10 minutes to get ready?
But no, as I strolled further into the exhibit, he lead me to the far wall behind the futon lying on the floor. There it was. Perched on the edge of the tatami mat all lined against the wall. Agent M showed off his work of art while eagerly waiting for my eyes to light up and my brain to engage with a slow click-click.
The dialog running through my head that night went something like this. “Yeah, I get it M. Everything’s rolled up. I do that too. It’s one of the time honored tricks for saving space in our packs. Much better than folding or just bunching it up and throwing it in.” But I was still confused. M stepped in to help me along in the thought process.
“Look closely at the lineup. See the order?” Yes, I get that too, M. Everything’s against the wall. Kudos to you. Was this some kind of backhanded comment at how messy my room was? Yes, I know that, Agent M. You don’t have to rub it in. That’s how I roll, you jerk. You stay organized. I scatter. Good thing we’re not sharing a room.
“It’s all lined up in the exact order in which I put the things in my bag.” Oh…wow…holy crap. I’d never thought about that one. Makes total sense.
As we had learned back at the Academy, developing 10/20 vision (less than 10 pounds in a 20 liter backpack) takes careful planning. Studying the work of past field agents, we quickly learned the secrets to their successes. In training, we heard that past missions were often compromised by three simple simple errors: (1) bringing too much stuff, (2) not giving proper consideration to weight and volume, and (3) packing inefficiently, thereby leaving no remaining pockets of unused space in one’s backpack. We also learned that, over time, field agents will typically arrive at a very specific configuration as to how they like their bags packed. In fact, they often arrive at an optimized order in which items are placed into their bags so that they may make their backpacks as densely and efficiently packed as possible.
What Agent M seemed to have perfected was streamlining the whole packing process in a way where things fell into place very quickly. Whereas I was going to be in the other room scampering about at 4 in the morning, spinning in small circles around my various piles of flotsam wondering where I had put my third left sock so that I could stuff it in next, M had it all pre-programmed. His things were already lined up against the back wall in the exact order in which they would go into his pack early the next morning. In a matter of only a few steps, all he had to do was march down the line, pick up the next item, and place it in the designated spot in his backpack. And that is precisely why Agent M only needed 10 minutes to transition from a deep sleep to being ready to head down to the train station.
That moment forever transformed how I tackle my assignments abroad. I still don’t keep things organized in my room during the course of my stay. However, when it comes to getting ready to hit the road, I now do “the Agent M lineup” as a matter of course. I can guarantee you that my row of things will never be quite as straight as M’s, but I take solace knowing that in its oblong form with its many curves and contortions, it’s equally as effective. As I start to organize things in preparation for transit, all the various things find their place in the lineup. And now that it’s become a well honed technique, if something’s missing or out of place, it’s immediately obvious upon quick inspection.
Just where did that third left sock wander off to?! Damn it.
###
Now maybe you can you see my side of it, K? I was in a hurried frenzy back at Headquarters for one simple reason. Optimization. It was all in the name of shaving off yet a few more precious seconds from the stopwatch. As you well know, time’s another scarce resource that us ultralight minimalists are trying to conserve. Just like that early morning in Nikko. OK. I’ll stop trying to justify it. Yeah, I know. It was all at the expense of your nice shoes and what’s left of common courtesy. Ugh. I think I hear pay back coming around the corner. I’ll need to carefully watch my steps when I get back to HQ…
Oh. There it is. The announcement, K. We’re about to land in Lisbon…Agent G’s been over here dozing off at my side with a few head tilts. Good thing she’s not just a random passenger. A little head bump from my wife on the left shoulder would be just fine by me.
First order of business on our field assignment will be to find some good, strong, bold, dark coffee. Yes! You know us! The kind you can cut with a knife.
More importantly, next on the agenda will be to take a good hard look at what she packed. How on earth was she able to trim everything down to weigh in at just over seven pounds? She’s got a whole pound and a half on me! Damn it! I’ve always known that she’s my better half, but really?! That even includes an extra pair of shoes and her flip flops too. Salt in the wound.
Next up will be to go out and find some just-in-time Pastel de Natas. What was the name of that place, K? Manteigaria? Something like that? Sorry, as you well know, those last ten minutes back at Headquarters went by in a blur. I think you said to get them with cinnamon sprinkles. But do tell. These are the important things, K. Forget mission objectives.
I’ll be in touch later with more updates as our assignment gets fully under way. Until then, hope things are quieter back there without all those flamboozled flustercucks flitting around.
P.S. After asking what I was writing just now, Agent G chimed in with a reminder in her half-awake state that her backpack had weighed in lighter for our Poland mission too. For that one, she beat me by more than two pounds. Leave it to your spouse to make you feel even lower. So much more to learn, K. So much more to learn…
J
