Confidentiality Note & Disclaimer: This former top secret file of the Travel Superlight Agency is now unclassified. However, the Agency takes no responsibility for any harm that results from the release of this information and denies that the work of Agent J, or that of any other field agent it employs in its mission to perfect the art of ultralight minimalist traveling, will actually help anyone at all.
Hi K. Another good morning to you from Nong Khiaw. Yes, I’m still here. Just can’t seem to get enough of this place. But, sadly, it’s now time to go. A few minutes ago, I said goodbye to my newfound friends at my favorite morning haunt. Gonna miss them, and all of this. My only consolation is that I know I’ll be coming back. Hopefully next time with Agent G. Can’t let a place like this just simply fade away...
What I won’t miss is that damn toothbrush sitting over there on the bathroom sink. As you’re well aware, the basic problem we’ve been facing is that the standard Agency-issued toothbrush is just too unwieldy. At almost 8 inches long, it’s one of the only things we have that can’t be bent, twisted, folded, rolled, or stuffed into the corners of our bag to make for a more dense and compact backpack. There’s gotta be a better way. But, alas, I suppose we’re stuck. Basic design parameters call for something with a decent amount of leverage.
Still, as I sit here on the front porch of this cute little guesthouse gazing out across the river at that dramatic peak rising above the tangled jungle, and as I slash through another unruly thicket of plaque on my front teeth with my fingernails, my mind is a whirl. Thinking back to that Think Tank session we had so long ago, you know the one, it’s high time we get our heads back in the game and, once and for all, perfect such an oft-used and important tool.
Please give this Work Order Request a once over and let me know what you think.
*****
Tracking
MISSION: J35419-2023F
DCN: 7031011
TDY: NONG KHIAW, LAOS
DATE: 2023-10-23
TIME: 8:44 AM (GMT+7)
TO: AGENT K
FROM: AGENT J
CC: AGENTS R,P
SUBJECT: WORK ORDER 129 - DENTAL TOOLSRequest
NAME: TOOTHBRUSH
EQUIP NO: MUL-THB-0032
ISSUE: TOO LARGE AND UNWIELDY
REQUEST: DEVELOP BETTER OPTIONIntroduction
Long ago, at a mission debrief for their joint assignment to Hong Kong, Agents A and J reported that much work still needed to be done in the way of improving toothbrush design. Sometime during the second week of their work overseas, the agents noticed huge plates of plaque building up on their inner choppers. Much to their mutual frustrations, the Agency-issued toothbrushes they were carrying simply weren’t up to the task. Despite frequent and aggressive brushings, daily annoyances persisted.
The basic problem stemmed from the common scenario of too many noodles, all too frequently. Quite simply, the tools they had at their disposal were not designed to keep up with the rigorous demands of cleaning up a pair of choppers when coupled up with a pair of wholly unrestrained voracious appetites. In complete crisis, something had to be done. A watershed decision needed to be made. Ultimately, it would come down to either their teeth or their noodles. Only one could win out. But, with those two agents, there was only one clear choice. What’s a few more minutes of torture strapped into the chair at the dentist?
In the months immediately following that cringey debrief, to better pass the time while painstakingly scraping off another layer of fuzz with the fingernail, I took a deep dive into the archives. Just what had been the Agency’s historical experience with toothbrush design? While the keyboard looked all the uglier for it and would soon need an appointment of its own to clean, scrape, and polish its poor pearly whites, some interesting stuff was unearthed in the search.
It became readily apparent that, way back in the day, the Agency had gone through an intense period of toothbrush design development. Pilot work stretched on for years, resulting in nothing but a wide variety of findings and a set of inconclusive results. Progress was remarkably slow. Setbacks were frequent. Cavities, root canals and crowns were all too common. Eventually, fed up with it all, frustrated field agents organized in mass. In their biggest strike, TSA workers threw their toothbrushes out the windows in unison and demanded their noodles back, large bowls only (rightfully so, in my humble opinion). Putting a stop to the dizzying tailspin, the TSA eventually gave up all efforts to improve toothbrush design and went back to basics.
Having been hastily abandoned, it’s my strong belief that the work was left incomplete and unresolved. Much more can be done to develop a new toothbrush design that is compact, lightweight, and far more effective than any modern tool out on the open market.
As such, I’m hereby requesting approval for a revival of the project. I strongly believe that going back to the drawing board to develop a new prototype design will ultimately provide great benefit to the Agency’s world wide network of ultralight minimalist field agents, allowing them to happily slurp noodles at their leisure, whether they be firm, chewy, or tender, while still being able to properly mop up the messes left behind without furthering the risks of dental calamity. However, the Agency must proceed carefully, only in pre-plotted measured steps, so as to not compromise worker safety.
Background
In a series of basic hygiene classes offered up at the Academy, new cadets are presented with videos of early toothbrush prototype designs in action. Most will remember these vivid shorts. Products of all shapes and sizes are showcased in a series of riveting, non-stop, edge-of-your-seat sequences that give the best Hollywood studios a run for their money.
These old toothbrush flicks are quite suspenseful too. Constantly twisting and turning, viewers never know quite what to expect next. On a big screen, the blurry shifting shapes are unsettling. Brushes suddenly lurch to the right just as the audience is settling in and is expecting nothing but lefts. Other scenes are quite disturbing and are simply too squeamish to watch. In one of the most memorable scenes, one that will scar future cadets for years to come, a sleepy field agent is sadly caught unaware at a hotel sink as their portable toothbrush handle suddenly comes apart and splits in two, during use. Horrifying! Certainly not suitable for all audiences, to say the least.
In one of the very first toothbrush films, a star-studded cast of charismatic bristle heads with leggy standout plastic handles stole the show. Watching an unlikely bunch of soft, medium and firm bristle pads team up and take on a string of seemingly impossible challenges made for one of the best non-stop action thrillers of our lifetimes. Who knew that these breakout roles would lead to a future of nothing but stunning successes? Often credited for the birth of the movie blockbuster, these masterful performances would end up being the turning point that popularized the entire dental hygiene genre for the global audience.
Challenges
Back when times were flush at the Travel Superlight Agency, field agents would pick from a wide variety of toothbrush styles and designs as they prepared for an upcoming mission. In fact, tailoring dental equipment to the specific needs of an assignment was a true highlight of the whole packing process, all made possible with the TSA’s wide assortment of offerings. But, alas, all good things must come to an end. When the market came crashing down a few decades ago, the vast array of different color and style options was ultimately deemed superfluous. With slim budgets and nary a noodle in sight, the Agency had no choice but to trim the fat and go back to basics.
To this day, despite all the early pioneering work to perfect toothbrush design, there’s still no great be-all and end-all Agency solution that stands above the rest. Tremendous opportunity lies in wait.
Fast forward to the present day, things are starting to look a little brighter for the pearly whites. Only just a few weeks ago, in a pre-Halloween scramble, design engineers were asked to come up with a better way to address expected upcoming post-apocalyptic dental disasters. The powers that be couldn’t stand the prospect of having to once again stare at a room full of awful plaque-ridden teeth at the Agency’s regularly scheduled all-staff meeting in early November. To avert certain catastrophe, something had to be done.
Brainstorming into the wee hours of the night, patience was wearing thin at one particularly long and frustrating Think Tank session in early October as design engineers attempted to solve this sticky problem once and for all.
It was right around 2 A.M., when the coffee was turning cold, discussion was faltering, and distracted thoughts of delectable noodle bowls were permeating the room, that a trained eye would’ve been able to detect a series of jerky movements coming from an agent sitting way back in the far corner of the room. A brilliant revelation was coming to light. Everyone in that room will surely forever remember the very moment when Agent Y jumped straight out of his chair, raised both hands and chin to the ceiling, and loudly proclaimed “Blimey! I’ve got it!”
Though the night was wearing thin, a fresh pot of coffee was brewed. The noodle bowls would just have to wait.
Preliminary Concepts
Agent Y had stumbled upon a simple yet elegant solution. As he explained in great detail, if one were to take the best most effective toothbrush the Agency had managed to develop to date (presumably the current model still in use today), strip away all its ineffective elements, keep only the ones that promote good dental hygiene, and further refine what’s left so as to provide nothing but optimum performance, then this long standing problem would be solved once and for all. Voila!
It was clearly evident to all that there was no better time to revive this thorny challenge than the present. But all could see the work would not be as easy as it sounded.
First and foremost, the new design would need to be better than the old one. To get good traction, field agents would need to be quizzed as to which particular aspects of the TSA toothbrush they found to be effective and ineffective. There’d surely be a wide variety of responses that would then need to be distilled down, digested, categorized, and further analyzed. Only once this work happened could some promising prototypes be developed for deployment.
It could also be seen by everyone in attendance that a few frustrating and confounding factors would come into play. For example, which bristle colors would field agents find most pleasing to the eye? Would it be blue? Green? To further compound matters, Agent Y thought it might actually prove to be pink or purple.
To add to this stiff challenge, savvy agents would likely be making comment on bristle length. Some agents would testify that the longer bristles were more useful in reaching distant areas of the mouth. Others would surely claim that they’re far more dextrous with shorter ones.
The same could be said for handle design. Some would prefer long leverage with a lighter swing weight. Others would say that a stout dense handle is best suited for negotiating the tricky and treacherous terrain between molars.
Heated arguments were sure to come as to which tool would most effectively navigate the odontic landscape with all its narrow crevices and cavities. Which would be crowned the clear winner? Who knew, but the powers that be stipulated that the revived project must, once and for all, bring an end to all discussion.
Request
Having just wrapped up an emergency conference call with Think Tank engineers back at Headquarters earlier this morning, the team would like to assign a “RUSH” priority to this matter for we believe that this project could lead to one of the largest breakthrough developments in Agency history.
As such, we recommend Agent P and his team go to work immediately on constructing the first prototype even before soliciting input from TSA staff, all in the hopes of having the new product ready for the Halloween crush. Additional funding may be solicited for future studies to investigate how factors like diameters, durabilities, and durometers come to bear on the overall situation.
The future has never been more exciting. If the new toothbrush design proves to be a winner, this new way of thinking about product design could be extended to other elements in a field agent’s Go Bag. Just think! Aspects and features in current equipment that are no longer appreciated could be scrapped and those that work great could be kept. Craziness!
It’s only on a rare occasion that the TSA comes across such a bold and exciting concept that ends up carrying it into the future in an entirely new direction. In fact, looking back at this pivotal moment, this new way of thinking might end up being one of the most significant milestones in progressing the collective consciousness for all of humanity.
*****
Can’t wait to hear your reaction, K! I think we’re onto something BIG here.
Oh crap. I’ve lost track of the time. Gotta rush off to catch the minibus back to Luang Prabang. And that’s way across town. Good thing town’s small. I can almost see the bus stop from here.
I’ll check for messages when we’re rolling back into LP. There won’t be much cell coverage between here and there, but that’s OK. A long bus ride will be the perfect time to catch up on some much needed sleep after all this high octane buzz and excitement. It kept me up all night…
Talk to you later,
J
